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Procrastination Again…….

Day 3 of my writing saga. My resolution to write everyday got broken the very next day it was made. Not because of lack of time but because of laziness. So, here on Day 3, writing stuff that was supposed to be written yesterday. Who cares, you may ask. Its not like there is deadline to be met or some superior who will check right? But still, once a commitment is made it should be met. Even if the commitment is to self. Especially if the commitment is to self. Trying to stick to this commitment to myself. Slowly but surely I will get there.

On that note here goes……

Memory…..Boon or Bane

While using my Husband’s phone, I stumbled upon his Whats App and was astonished to find that he had groups with his classmates – right from his kindergarten days to his college graduation. The astonishing part was not that he is in touch with his friends but that he actually remembers each and every one of them. He even remembers all the teachers who have taught him, again from kindergarten to college. Apart from a few who can be counted in the fingers of my hand, for the life of me I cannot remember any of my school mates, or my teachers for that matter. I am not in touch with any but can recall a few. It is this realisation of the difference between him and me that triggered my thoughts into the direction of the title – Memory…boon or bane

Memory is the ability of our brain to categorise and store information that we gather in our lifetime. Memories, on the other hand, are recollections of specific events or occurrences. Life, as we know it, is a series of memories. If not for them, we would not learn and grow. It is from the memory of our past mistakes that we correct ourselves and evolve. It can also cause us heartache and make us emotional wrecks. Each moment we live is stored as a memory in our subconscious. And it is these that shape our character and create the path of our life. Not everyone is born with same amount of memory power. The recall ability varies from person to person.

So is having good memory a boon or bane? Like everything else in life, there is no one correct answer for this. If individuals are able to understand, interpret and apply the learning from the past, then having good memory power is a boon. On the other hand if the person holds on to the past and looks at everything with nostalgia, keeps making same mistakes as in the past, constantly replays in mind the failure and hurt suffered in the past then that person becomes an emotional wreck. They cause grief to themselves and to those around them. For such people memory becomes a bane.

Memories are the road map of our lives. Recalling these show us the path we have travelled and help us in making choices for our future. Having good memory power is good if we are able to let go of the bad memories.

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Words

Writing is an art. To be able to put thoughts into words coherently is not everyone’s cup of tea. There are so many ideas and thoughts that float through my mind. I will be cooking and some story will play out in my mind scene by scene with dialogues, expressions et all. By the time I finish my chores and sit down to pen the same, words fail me. That is why I am in awe of people who write. To be able to make your ideas and thoughts come to life through words is a blessing. No doubt it is a skill that can be learned and mastered but to be inherently born with that sense is, like I said, a blessing.

I read a simple post on one of the social media platforms from a person I know. They way that person wove a story out of a mundane observation fascinated me. That post is what triggered this line of thought. How do you come up with apt words? Does reading translate to writing well? I don’t think so because from childhood books have been my constant companions. Though not as much as in my younger days, I still read sufficiently now. So why do words fail me while writing? Does it have to do with the genre of books that we read? This again need not be the case. Practise makes a man perfect adage is apt for writing block also I guess. Like any other activity, the more we write, the better we get at it. At least that is what I am hoping and on that note have made a promise to myself to daily write on some topic. By doing so for a month, I hope I will not fumble for words while penning down my thoughts.

This is not the first time I promised myself this, but this time its different. I have set myself 5 different tasks to be completed by the end of July of this year, one of which is this writing task. I plan to stick to my schedule and complete the same – for myself and to set an example.

Wishing myself luck while I embark on this self improvement journey…..Ciao

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Keeping alive the memory of the Dead

A few years back I lost my Appa to a horrible disease called PSP. I saw him go through worst suffering and wished and prayed God to relive him from his agony. What I felt at the time of his passing was relief. Pain set in later. People talk about processing your pain, coping mechanisms, going through grief, unburdening yourself by letting go, overcoming the vacuum in life left by those departing and many such things basically to help alleviate the sense of guilt and betrayal that comes with the passing away of a parent or a loved one. Guilt because that is when we become judgemental of all our actions towards the person and betrayal because we look to shift our guilt on to that person.

After Appa passed I had decided that I would write something about him every year on the anniversary of his death. I did that for a couple of years. For the past couple of years I have been forgetting his death anniversary. Not intentionally, I remember the date preceding up to it but on that day it totally slips out of my mind. Amazingly I have not been feeling guilty about it. Today is not his anniversary and yet, from early morning, this is the thought that has occupied my mind. That is why did I not feel guilty for forgetting my Appa’s death anniversary? Does that make me a bad daughter? Or an ungrateful daughter? What would happen if everyone forgot the death anniversary of their parent/loved ones? What would happen if we did not follow any rituals for the dead? Does that mean we are selfish and self centered ? This write up is result of such thoughts.

It is believed that our earthly body is nothing but a container for the soul. It is also believed that the Soul does not have beginning or end. That being the case what is the necessity for the rituals associated with the dead that is done year on year? Rituals done immediately after death is understandable to a certain extent but how does it make sense doing the same year on year? They say these rituals are for the appeasement of the spirit of forefathers. This is in contrast to the basic belief that soul has no death and moves from one body to another just like how we change clothes. This thought has been there with me since my childhood and I have not been able to find an answer that has convinced me. I do not believe in most rituals and it is my firm conviction that rituals are man made in accordance with situation and surroundings prevalent at that time. For generations we have just been following the same without questioning its suitability or necessity to the changed circumstances. Thus my sense of no regret at forgetting my Appa’s death anniversary. I don’t need one particular day to remember or honour my Appa. He is there with me always – in my thoughts, words and actions.

A quote from the book of quotes of Anne Frank states ” Dead people receive more flowers than living ones because Regret is stronger than Gratitude”. I am not sure if this was really penned by her or has just been attributed to her but I find the quote to be very true. I believe that it is this sense of regret that makes us do all these elaborate rituals for the dead. It is easier to create a ritual and do the same for the dead than show gratitude and be respectful of the living. It is a one way communication with the dead. Rituals do not involve the wishes or comforts of the person for whom it is done. It is done to make ourselves feel better about our behaviour towards the person when they were alive. In that way all the rituals are basically to appease ourselves. Through the year we hardly remember the dead and to assuage our guilt we do these rituals. For the first few years it will be done with interest and respect. As years pass on, it becomes a chore and further down it becomes a burden. I have seen people crib and curse and yet do the rituals. By that time its fear of negative impact that makes them do the rituals and not the memory of the person. Such being the case I feel it is better to be truthful to our conscience and just let it go.

It is always better to Respect the Living than Honour the Dead.

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Sports, sports clubs and the emotional attachment

How does one become a fan of a sport/ sportsman or a sports club? Is it instinctive or does the surroundings like family, peer etc play a role?

My husband has only two hobbies or pastimes – politics and cricket. He is both passionate and knowledgeable in both. I like almost all sports but am not a statistics kind of person. I watch and more often than not forget it. Cricket is the exception. Though not as passionate as Mr, I prefer it over other sports. The one sport I did not watch, for a very long time, was football. Don’t know the reason but that sport did not appeal to me. I have never watched any football match nor do I know about the various clubs and leagues that happens in the sport. The only general knowledge I had was that, like cricket, Football too had world cup happening once in 4 years. And that South American countries have strong football teams. General knowledge gained through reading the newspapers. So how and why did my son start following football? And what made him like ManU over all other clubs? I am stumped.

My son was in class 6 when he started following football and from then has been a fan of ManU. Mr and me had no part in this phenomenon. Mr’s knowledge of football is restricted to its spelling. So I can vouch for the fact that he developed his love for the game and the club by himself. Not sure its because of his peers also because, at that time, his friends circle consisted of kids who played and spoke only cricket. And so it happens, one fine day I discover that my son very much likes football and for some reason beyond comprehension of both of us likes ManU. I say beyond comprehension to both of us for a reason because my son is as amused and confused by his liking as I am and many a times has expressed his astonishment at the why of his liking.

That’s how sports works I guess. We just like the sport/team/individual first and then learn more about the same. Have experienced the same with cricket. Why I like Rahul Dravid more than Sachin Tendulkar or Dhoni more than Kohli is beyond logic. And once that emotional bonding is formed no amount of statistics or logic can change that. We may appreciate a different sport/club/individual but can never come to love it or be passionate about it.

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Shape Shifters or Liquids

In science, Liquid is defined as matter that acquires the shape of the container it is held in. The molecules of such matter are loosely held and hence they are able to change their shape according to their underlying host/container. Once in a generation comes an actor whose body is made up of such loosely held molecules that he/she fills the shape of the character they portray. In this generation it is Eddie Redmayne.

In my previous post I had mentioned that my son is a movie aficionado. Unlike me, who watches movie just to kill time and who is very choosy when it comes to the genre, he watches movies for the joy it provides. He also does research on the movie right from its actors, director, story, camera etc etc. Have to say, being in his company, some of that has rubbed off on me too. He has exposed me to so many different kinds of movies and I have got to see the work of some absolutely astounding actors just because of him. He was the one who introduced Eddie Redmayne to me.

The first movie I watched, rather was made to watch, of this amazing actor was The Fantastic Beasts. I was spell bound. That some one could perform so flawlessly was beyond belief. Then my son dumped The Trial of Chicago Seven on me. That movie blew my mind and, once again, was mesmerised by Eddie Redmayne. The contrast between the two characters, the way each had been performed, was totally unbelievable. That a single person could transform like this is pure magic.

Yesterday I watched the Good Nurse on Netflix. How does someone morph into someone else so convincingly? I don’t think even Charles Cullen could have played himself so effectively. That is the kind of person Eddie is. He changes completely into the person/character he is playing. Not all are blessed with such ability. And not all are blessed to watch someone with such ability. It is my good fortune that I came across such a brilliant actor and for that I am eternally thankful to my son. But for him, I may or may not have experienced the pure joy, absolute amazement and heartfelt happiness that an actor like Eddie brings.

There are many adjectives that have been used to describe his acting by much more qualified and knowledgeable people than me. For me, the only way to describe him is – Liquid.

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And the Writing woes continue….

As far as resolutions go, this has to be my absolute worst. I had promised myself that I would write, at least gibberish, every single day for 100 consecutive days. This decision was taken way back in the month of May or June. Come November and am yet to write something.

Procrastination is my greatest enemy. I absolutely love to push things as far as possible and frantically do it near the deadline. Since this writing initiative is a self set goal and as such has no deadline associated with it, its been pushed and pushed and pushed.

Starting today, the 5th of Nov 2022, thats going to change. From today I will be writing, at least gibberish, for the next 100 days. A paragraph at least.

Wishing myself luck!!!!Caio……..

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Random Rants

Its been ages since I penned my thoughts. Not for the lack of the same but, like I have mentioned in my previous posts, I procrastinate a lot. Also lots of ideas and images form in my mind while I am cooking or cleaning and vanishes when I look to put the same onto paper. Thus the delay. So what changed today or what triggered this rant? Its a post I read.

We live in strange times. Having an opinion is not tolerated by anyone. Our brains have been, slowly but surely, modified to develop a tunnel vision. We look at the world through this tunnel and anything that falls on the sides of the tunnel is taken as offence. Gone are the days when we were receptive and open to ideas and opinions. Anyone having contrary idea, thoughts, views, expressions etc to ours are labelled as having herd mentality. Ego is gaining an upper hand against tolerance. Any thing and everything is taken personally and reacted accordingly. Like I said, strange and difficult times indeed.

Coming to herd mentality. Oxford dictionary describes this as “the tendency for people’s behaviour or beliefs to conform to those of the group to which they belong.” So, If I like and appreciate something , say Backstreet Boys band, then I belong to the “herd” that likes and appreciates them. Its not a bad thing. Everybody is entitled to have a choice and taste according to their preference. Or so it was until a few years ago. Now, the people who are the majority dictate what is good, what is acceptable and what is bad and expect, nah insist, on all to follow that. If we choose to not do that and have our own preferences then we are termed as having “herd mentality”. Apparently blindly accepting and following the majority does not amount to herd mentality. Strange paradox.

Coming to this episode of rant. Music transcends language, boundaries , barriers or form. Boxing music can and will only be done by people who have issues, not with the music per se but the creators involved. And dissing the art using man made criteria like religion, caste etc shows how degenerate a person is.

There are multiple, life threatening issues happening in the world. The pandemic that does not seem to end, global warming and its associated effects, wars and threat of war, poverty and general helplessness faced by millions. Religion should not, now or ever, be considered part of such issues. If at all we start believing that it forms as important an issue as the others mentioned and start addressing the same using religious glasses then the problem lies within ourselves and not the world. The sooner we realise we are being manipulated using inconsequential issues to divert from real issues, the sooner we can try and find solutions to the real issues. If not slowly but surely we are heading for doomsday of our own creation. This time the blame lies solely with us. And no religion will come to save us.

Wake up. Live and let Live. Use God given gift of reason and not self created ego.

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Why my blog title reads as it does!

Feminism has taken refuge in my head. Wherever I turn to I come across this term. Other than Humanism(if such a word exists) I am not a great believer or follower of any isms. Like I have written before, nothing can be black and white. Everything depends on the situation and the resources available at a given time and place.

All these thoughts and many more regarding feminism has been filling in my mind that I am trying to compose into a small article. Started doing a bit of research for the same. From there ended up reading on pages upon pages on Genome, gene therapy, genetic analysis etc etc. So much so that I ended up enrolling for a course to study genetic analysis. Why? No idea. Will I actually complete the course? Again, no idea. This is precisely why the title of my blog reads what it does. My mind is an absolutely restless attention deficit monkey. Now I have lost the flow of thought for the said article and have to restart or wait for it come back. What a mess!! My friend has been advocating meditation to me. Must give it a try. May be that will help control my mind. Who knows? Knowing me I am not so sure but should definitely try it before coming to a conclusion. Until then its the monkey who rules! Jai Anjaneya!!

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Right & Wrong- is it cast in stone or does it change with interpretations

…..

Every coin has two sides. To make a judgement or make an informed decision it is essential to look, without prejudice, at both sides.

For no apparent reason Raavana has been flitting in and out of my thoughts these past few days. Ramayana and Mahabharata are the two most famous epics of the Hindu Mythology. From birth we are made aware of the stories from these two epics. All the stories, be it epics or mythology, have one underlying theme – triumph of the Good over Evil, the Right over Wrong. This win comes at the tail end or the climax of the story. The entire body of the epic is devoted to description of this Good or the Right and differentiating the Evil or the Wrong. Reading and hearing these epics repeatedly conditions our mind and thought process to look at the world around us and judge accordingly. In this process what we fail to take into account are the situations and circumstances that we are in. What was right a hundred years ago may not be so now. similarly for the wrong. To judge a person or an act as Right or Wrong/Good or evil, we need to look at all aspects- the background, the situation, options available etc. Granted that not all people or acts need to be looked through this glass, many are outright heinous and can and should be judged accordingly, but over 90% definitely do. And that brings me back to Raavana.

Ramayana has two well defined and main characters. They are effectively deigned to be a contrast of each other. Right from their physique to their habits, both are portrayed as polar opposites of each other. The story flows in such a way that we view one as Right and Good and the other as Wrong and Evil. It does not allow us to linger and ponder over the Bad side of the Good character or the Good side of the Bad character. Raavana is described as a great scholar, musician, administrator and a Devotee of Lord Shiva. If the name had not been attached to the character description, we would have assumed him to be the protagonist. The moment name, Raavana, is associated with these character traits, they lose their significance. And why? Because of his one act that brings about destruction to his whole kingdom. What made him choose such a path? Was it lust? Was it love? Was it revenge? or was it a case of ego? It is when we dispassionately and objectively think along these lines that the lines between right and wrong start blurring.

There are many versions of Ramayana. Sita’s swayamvara is an event that happens in some versions. In Valmiki Ramayana this event does not take place. So how did Raavana hear about Sita? As per Valmiki Ramayana, he comes to know of Sita only through Surpanaka, his Sister. She is described as a shape shifting demoness who is hideous looking in real but who could transform herself into a creature of beauty as she deemed fit. She comes across Rama, Lakshmana and Sita who are in exile in the forest. She promptly falls in love with Rama and with the arrogance of her demonic prowess and also of that of being Raavana’s sister, she approaches Rama and asks to get married. Rama refuses saying he is already married and, in jest, diverts her attention to his brother. Surpanaka then approaches Lakshmana. She pleads and pesters him to such an extent that he chops off her nose in anger. Thus humiliated, in great rage, she goes to her brother and asks him to avenge her humiliation. Thus starts the downfall of Raavana. He abducts Sita, holds her captive and wages War with Rama in which he loses his sons, brothers, kingdom and ultimately his life. In retrospect what would have happened, how would have the Epic played out, had the following sequence of events happened:

  1. Instead of jumping into rage filled action at Surpanaka’s humiliation, what if he had tried and found what actually led to her disfigurement, who was a t greater fault and given a solution accordingly?
  2. Disfigurement was a totally unnecessary and unacceptable action from Lakshmana. What if Rama, the selfless and Righteous person that he is, had gone along with Lakshmana and asked for forgiveness from Raavana for his action?
  3. Raavana comes to know of Sita only after this incident. So kidnapping her for love/lust seems a bit far fetched. Avenging Surpanaka’s humiliation seems to be the more acceptable reason. What if he had landed with his entire army and waged a war then and there?

And many many more what if’s come to mind. And that lead to the question – Who is right and who is wrong here? If Rama is right how do we justify his silence on his brother’s behaviour towards a woman. Looking as a brother how can Raavana’s action, rather reaction, be termed wrong? The title of this writeup is born from this dilemma. And this only from Ramayana. I am sure any and all Epics, mythologies, stories and for that matter even day to day News have many shades that need to be looked at before passing judgements.

The world cannot be viewed in monochrome. It is Black, White and everything in-between.

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Resolutions/Commitments

My commitment to write everyday has met the fate of New year Resolutions. From the day I made that commitment, the number of days that I have written can be counted in the fingers in one hand. Couple of reasons for that: laziness and overlapping of thoughts. From early morning, when I wake up, to the time I go to bed, my mind conjures up so many topics that I want to pen down. The problem usually is that I will be in the midst of work when these Ideas come. I postpone penning them down and by the end of the day its lost in the labyrinth of my mind. I have read that writers seek quite and solitude to create their work. Their thoughts flow freely when everything around them is still is what I have read. This is totally not true in with me. Not that I am a writer/aspiring writer. Its just that for me ideas come when there is chaos around me. I have had stories, scenes of play etc play out in my mind whilst I have been cooking or cleaning. The moment I sit down to put them in writing, it just escapes from my mind. Is it abnormal or Am I abnormal?